I’ve been wanting to write – so many things to share, however I always seem to wait until I’m really moved to share so I can just be honest and transparent. I went for my follow up appointment with Dr. Robb, my plastic surgeon. We have done the final breast reconstruction, so this was the follow up and the “you’re good to go” thumbs up. It was bitter sweet………I was so amazed and happy that the last surgery was done and over and that I am healing better and quicker than could be expected……thanks be to God…….and then the thought of not seeing them almost….no, it did, make me sad. They were such a part of my journey – a positive one. I loved seeing Dr Robb and all of his nurses, especially Jacque, the beautiful one in the picture- they made me laugh, they informed me, made me feel empowered with my choices and they just made me feel like everything was going to be okay…..and it is.
Oddly enough I write this in tears – not because I am sad, but just because of the emotional roller coaster of the past year. Right now I am packing for the Ambitious Womens Conference. This will be my 4th year going. When I think back to my first time, so funny, I was so different…..but when I think back to last year, wow, I almost can’t believe it. I remember just before I went last year, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was to speak on stage and give a quick testimonial about the Ambitious Womens Success Club I am a part of. I brought up that I was just diagnosed and the whole room was supportive and I felt this overwhelming flood of love and emotions. God had put me EXACTLY where I needed to be. Some people think that Ambit is just a business for me, but it isn’t. I have met the most amazing women and people in Ambit and I know it’s exactly where God wants me and He has blessed me through it.
Last year I remember women coming up and asking to pray with me, hugging me and loving on me and it was exactly what I needed at that time in my life. Then I even won the “Anchor Award” for perseverance and I was so beyond shocked that I can’t even explain it. This year I’m packing and the emotions are flooding in because I think of everything that has happened in the past year and there are times I think – how did I ever get through all of that and not lose my mind? Then I stop and know it’s ALL because of God and His faithful and amazing hand on my life for being a yielded vessel for Him.
I am so excited to go this weekend and see the women from last year, lots of whom I keep in touch with. I also know there will be emotions – that’s my hard part – I hate crying in public – I’m the private crier – some of you get it!!! I always try so hard to be strong for others that I try not to let my guard down – I have learned it’s okay to do that and to be honest, emotional and just raw and I learned a lot of that from my coaching and then I also learned a lot of that from a friend of mine Gaby. Gaby showed me that being vulnerable and open is the best for getting help and just letting people help you. She lost her little girl Zoe at the age of 4 last year and she has been honest, transparent and has reached out for prayer, help and love through each step of her grieving. I have learned so much from her and I admire her strength, her love for God and her heart. Even though she probably has no idea, she has taught me so much this past year and I’m thankful to be her friend and a part of her life.
I’ve learned so much this past year and I’m still learning each day. I need to celebrate the victories – like the last surgery……for now. I only say that because they said I may need some more fat grafting, but we won’t know for another 9-12 months – and if I do – SO WHAT??? It’s such a small procedure and it could be so much worse……
I am so happy that I do get to go this weekend and share what God has done in my life that past year and show others that cancer is just a word and that you CAN get through anything with faith, perseverance and a positive attitude. I am still overwhelmed at the thought of facing all these women this weekend, only because it will be emotional and that’s okay……..I’m learning that I need to just let people love on me and be there for me and it’s OKAY! I also have to remember that it’s okay to cry and show my emotions and that it doesn’t make me weak – it makes me human and it means I have a heart – a big one. It’s okay to look at what I’ve gone through the past year and celebrate and also be sad at loss, because all of that made me the strong woman I am sitting here right now…….I am thankful for my struggles because honestly, without them, I would never have known what I could do. Thank you God for your love and giving me YOUR strength……….I will praise you through it all……