After meeting with so many doctors, and seeing my family history, they had me in to have genetic testing within the week. I was and still am so amazed at how efficient and professional M.D. Anderson is. After the testing, it was to take up to four weeks to get the results. This not only affected me, but also my sister Julie and my niece MJ. If the results were positive, they would have to go for testing and make some very important life decisions as would I.
I already knew if I had positive results I would just have all the surgeries done, without another thought. I was already blessed with three healthy boys and I was done having children so my health was most important as I was going to be around for my boys graduation, their weddings and their children. I proclaimed that every day and I believe that and I know it makes a difference. The mind achieves what the mind believes, isn’t that what they say?
Because they only found one small area with cancer and that it was only stage 1, they said that I could either do a lumpectomy or a mastectomy, or a bi-lateral mastectomy and gave me pros and cons for each. Quite a big decision for anyone to make, especially when you are still in shock.
Before the results even came back and after much praying I knew that a lumpectomy was not for me, I knew deep down in my gut – you know when you feel that? I knew that I had to have a bi-lateral mastectomy and it was only a week before the surgery that I came to terms with it. That weekend my best friend Celeste was visiting and we talked for awhile about how I felt and she listened while I talked. After I was done, she told me that I already had the answer and to just trust in it. I was so thankful to have her there that weekend as it really was a struggle for me.
I couldn’t imaging not having breasts anymore. How would I feel? How would I look? How would others look at me? What would Aaron think? I had a bra since grade five, so to just not even need one seemed so odd. All my boys breast fed, how would it be not having them anymore? Would I still feel like a woman? I struggled so much with it because I thought maybe it would change me or how I would feel. That’s how the world is right? We just each other by outward appearances before we even know that inside of someone. Sad, but it happens everyday.
The next day in church I went up for prayer to have peace about the surgery and to just accept it. By the end of the day, I really did have peace. I knew Gods hand was on me, I could feel it. I could feel every ones prayers. I could feel the calmness come over me and I knew it was the right decision. I called M.D. Anderson the next morning to tell them I decided to go with a bi-lateral mastectomy and they told me that they already had me down for that…………isn’t that interesting.
It’s like God was preparing me again for what was going to happen and what they were going to find. Each step of the way I just kept trusting in God, praying and praising Him through this storm, because I knew I wasn’t alone. I had my husband, I had many prayer warriors praying and I had God who would never leave me and would give me an abundance of strength to get through any trial and to do it with a smile.