After going through a double mastectomy for my breast cancer and having them take out all the lymph nodes on my left side, I really didn’t know how much pain there would be and how long it would last. You really don’t know as every person is probably very different.
It’s a constant daily pain and pressure on my chest – so hard to explain. If you are a mom and you have breast fed and you know that feeling when your milk has come in but the baby is not up? The hardness and pressure? Kinda like that, but still so much different!
I go to the Doctor and every week they say, are you in pain, I say yes, they say on a scale of 1 to 10, I say about 3. Then they always ask what your pain tolerance is, and I answer a 10. I mean I did have 24 hours of labour with no drugs, so I think my pain tolerance is pretty high! It’s just a constant pain that is there and you almost get used to it…….except you don’t because it doesn’t go away.
Normal activities are different because when you even slightly hit the chest area, because it’s just the skin on top of the muscle, it is very, very painful. Just having my boys lay on my lap is hard and even putting a pillow in between doesn’t stop the pain, but it makes it bearable enough for me so that I can still snuggle them.
To be honest, I am in more pain then I ever tell anyone. I don’t sleep at night because as soon as I roll over on my side, the pain jerks me awake. I don’t do all the things I love because it’s just added pain and I try to just take it in doses. I don’t want to take extra strength Tylenol everyday, so there are days I’m wincing through the pain and get cranky just because I’m tired of taking a pill that after awhile doesn’t work as well.
Then, just before I am ready to feel sorry for myself, I think of how much pain I could be in………..it could be worse and there are people out there that are suffering far worse then I am. So I have to STOP and have perspective on how blessed I really am and what God has provided me with and what He has done.
Yes, I am in daily pain, yes, it hurts and yes, I am sooooooooooo tired! But I also have an amazing and faithful Lord Jesus Christ who is the great healer and has been with me every step of the way. I have an amazing husband who loves me and helps me through my struggles and reminds me how loved I am. And I have three little boys who are loving and amazing and busy and who need their mama to be strong, positive and show them how to fight and survive and to most importantly to show them it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be in pain and be hurt, and to know that we can get through ALL things through Jesus Christ.